The Wannabe Coach Chronicles: Unsolicited Advice on the Padel Court

Ever had a casual padel game turn into a one-sided coaching clinic? You’re not alone. In every club and every match, there’s always that player who just can’t help themselves – offering tips, tactics, and critiques like it’s a World Padel Tour final. They mean well (we hope), but their unsolicited advice can turn a fun match into a TED Talk on topspin.

Padel is a social sport at its core – most of us play for a hit, some movement, and a laugh . But enter the self-appointed coach: the partner (or opponent!) who provides running commentary on every rally. Their constant “helpful” input can interrupt the flow and even kill the vibe on court . Sound familiar? If you’re nodding, read on. We’ve rounded up the distinct species of these wannabe coaches. See if you recognize any of them (or, dare we say, see a bit of yourself). 😉

1. The Tactical Guru

This is the mastermind of the mid-match huddle. The Tactical Guru has a game plan for every point – and they’re eager to share it. Did you just hit a volley into the net? They’ll pause to outline a new strategy: “Next time, let’s both stay back and lob more.” Win a point with an aggressive smash? They’ll still chime in: “Okay, now we should switch to a soft game to mix it up.” Every other minute, you’re getting a free (and lengthy) strategy session. It’s like having a clipboard-wielding coach on court, except nobody hired them.

2. The Volume Shouter

Meet the loudest coach in town – the Volume Shouter. This character operates on the belief that yelling equals coaching. From the first point, they turn the volume up to 11: “SMASH IT!”, “LOB!!”, “GET TO THE NET!” – all bellowed at a decibel level that could wake the line judges two courts over. Every ball that flies is accompanied by their booming commentary. Your opponents hit a high lob? “SMASH!” (you were already going to). You serve a fault? “FOCUS, FOCUS!” (as if you weren’t trying).

3. The Technique Tweaker

This wannabe coach is all about the form. Forget the scoreboard – the Technique Tweaker is watching your swing, your footwork, your grip, and critiquing it in real-time. Missed that bajada? They’ll demonstrate how you should have dropped your knees. Serve goes out? They insist you adjust your toss or grip pressure immediately. They might even pause between points to physically show you the “proper” wrist snap for a vibora. It’s like sharing the court with a personal trainer who doesn’t understand the concept of later.

4. The Point-by-Point Analyst

Ever watch a sports broadcast where the commentator dissects every play? That’s the Point-by-Point Analyst – except they’re on court with you, and they never hit the mute button. This self-designated pundit will replay each rally aloud: “We lost that point because you were too close to the net when he lobbed. Next time, step back earlier.” Win a point? They’ll analyze why it worked (sometimes taking credit: “See, I told you to target his backhand!”). Their brain is in constant replay mode, turning every point into a case study.

5. The Critic (a.k.a. The Eye-Roller)

Not all wannabe coaches are positive. The Critic is the one who offers “advice” wrapped in a healthy dose of negativity. Miss an easy shot and you’ll get the visible wince or an eye-roll. They might not outright yell at you (that would be too obvious), but expect the under-the-breath “wow…” or a sarcastic “good idea” when you attempt something daring that doesn’t pan out. Their feedback isn’t so much technical as it is judgmental. “You really thought that lob would work?” they’ll mutter, shaking their head. Every mistake becomes a mini lecture on what you did wrong, often delivered with a side of scorn.

Final Word: Play, Don’t Preach

Wannabe coaches are part of the padel experience. You’ll bump into them, you’ll roll your eyes, and you’ll probably laugh about it later. A little advice can help, but too much spoils the fun. Padel is about rallies, rhythm and connection (not mid-match lectures.) So keep it light, social and fun. Any personalities we are forgetting here?

Drop us a note in the comments below.

Have a great week,
Jacques & James